The Ovaries Are ON!

It just keeps getting better.

No more than .... eh, five minutes after I found out I was cancer-free, I called the Lancaster Fertility Center. I might have been jumping the gun a little bit but if I can't have my own babies, might as well find out sooner than later.

It was two weeks ago that we met with Dr. Sobel. He's kind and cute. Makes me feel like there is a little hope. That's when he drew my blood to see if my ovaries were - as I said it - "dead" or if they might still work. It turns out - much to everyone's surprise - my ovaries are functioning perfectly fine. If I still had a uterus I'd be getting my period. (Right now, that's still the only upside of a 32 year old having a hysterectomy - I will no longer be funding the Tampax empire.) The hormones needed to keep the ovaries producing eggs are there and doing their job. Amazing! I was amazed and so was Dr. Sobel!

The concern is two fold, 1) the amount of chemo I had, and 2) the type of chemo, specifically the Cisplatin. That's because Cisplatin is an alkaline based chemo, apparently bad for ovaries. All I understand of that is they make batteries out of alkaline, don't they? So I guess I can understand that pouring battery acid on an ovary would be a bad thing. That fucking Cisplatin - that's the drug that gave me the terrible reaction, remember? I legitimately thought I was going to die and Kristin had to save me! That drug is the worst - in more ways than one. However, the Cisplatin didn't win this time. Oh no, my ovaries are A-OK. So take that, Chemo!

The next issue is follicles. I know this is way more than most of you need to know, but I'm going to give you the gritty details anyway. After the good news about the ovaries, now we need to see if there are any follicles on them that would release eggs. Back to an ultrasound - the unfortunate procedure I've only had twice, which twice showed cancer instead of baby. This time, at least, I wasn't expecting to see a fetus - there ain't no room for that in the Cul-de-sac! But when he starts moving that wand around and the grey on the screen gets, well, more grey, I think I see an ovary. Obviously I have no idea what I am talking about because said grey spot isn't an ovary. It's a follicle! A follicle so big even I could make it out on the mish mosh of the screen! That ovary had 2 follicles. So instantly we knew the follicles were a go! Alleluia!

I'm thinking of the process like this: there are at least 10 hurdles between Chris and I ... and having a child that is biologically our own. We could get tripped up on any one of them and it's over. Adoption City, here we come. But so far, we cleared the first two hurdles! Incredible! See ... I told you to have hope and here it is!

The End Game is still a little wishy washy. I don't quite know where we go from here. There are some very specific biologic questions we have to ask the doctor at Sloan Kettering and the fertility clinic needs to ask a geneticist. We'll try to get some answers and go from there. For now, hope reigns supreme.

Do you think the Cosmo is mad at me?

I call this blog "Cosmos and Chemo." Friends have been showering me with fun Cosmopolitan related gifts:

The latest - these Cosmo sunglasses from Maureen down at the beach! Hysterical, right? She got the other girls wine glasses but picked Cosmo ones especially for me! Our biggest problem is what kind of tan lines will get on our faces if we where these in the sun. So funny!

So do you think is bad karma that I had MARGARITAS when I found out I was probably cancer free??

 

 

Obviously it's not bad because it's all been going so well. I'm still on Cloud 9. I don't think the prospect of *not* having cancer has really set in yet. It's almost hard to switch your mindset so quickly from being a cancer patient to being a regular person again. I feel like I was in that "fight of my life" mode for so long, I'm almost a little lost right now. I don't know how to identify myself: former cancer patient? person who is well but not yet totally back to normal? girl doesn't give a fuck about much because she's just so happy to be alive? or just simply Meredith? I'm still Meredith, but struggling with the rest of it a bit.

I think going back to work will help bring me around. So much of my identity is wrapped around being Meredith Jorgensen the reporter. I'm hoping resuming that role will help. Plus, I like the routine of work. I need to get up at the same time, see some people other than the two furry creatures who live in my house, have an intelligent conversation, and hopefully affect some change in the Susquehanna Valley ... then come home, put my feet up and have a Cosmo OR a Margarita - or hell, have both! I'm planning to be back at work at the end of August, after a Cancer-Free Party, a vacation with my supportive husband and an All Clear from the Sloan Kettering Doctor after my 3 month CAT Scan in August. I went from having one plan (get cancer-free) to a whole lotta plans (living, living and living it up) really fast.

I can't wait to get started ... no matter what drink I'm drinking!