Let's Backtrack a Little

The Shaving of the Head:

During our meeting with Dr. Goldstein in Boston, one of the first things he said was, "You're going to lose your hair." Getting to that point was interesting. I think we had a good plan; cut it short little by little so it wasn't as stringy when it was falling from my head. I was down to the shortest pixie cut about the time the doctors expected it to fall out. Everyone was pretty dead on too. On the drug I'm taking Etoposide (sp?) the hair starts to depart at 14 days. There we were at 14 days when I started to notice my hairs didn't want to stay attached to my head anymore.

So that's the logistics part. But you have to consider the emotional part and after I had my "plan" the emotions were all I was considering. I felt like when the hair was gone it was going to be real. As if the mediport, the chemo infusions, all the blood test etc. didn't seal the deal enough. The bald part was really going to hit Cancer home.

I went to work Monday and Tuesday last week. The hair was bad. I didn't even wash it the one day. The next I refused to blow dry it because I was sure the power of the blow dryer would just send the hairs flying from my head. It was getting thin. You could see my scalp. But I just wasn't ready yet. I knew I had chemo on Wednesday and that I wouldn't be at work for at least two days. I thought if I can make it until then, it will be hair or no hair on my terms.

Amazingly, the back didn't look too bad. I'm sure a lot of people would prefer if I would report the news facing this way anyway.

Tuesday night I asked my husband to shave my head.

I think we were both nervous. Chris and I have a nice "getting home from work" routine. We hang out in the kitchen, debrief about our days, play with the dogs and sort of catch up. Often this includes a Miller Light. Since I've been off the alcohol train lately, Chris is picking up the slack as only a good husband would. I think the 2 Miller Lights he had when he got home from worked helped ... because shaving your wife's head is not as easy as it seems.

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU WATCH TV AND THEY SHAVE SOMEONES HEAD AND ONE MINUTE THERE IS HAIR THERE AND THE NEXT IT'S BALD. THAT IS BULL SHIT.

I just want to be clear. Whether it's that scene in the cancer movie 50/50, or Demi shaving her head in GI Jane, or the shit we watch on the Military Channel when the Marines get a high and tight hair cut in seconds flat. I'm here to tell you - it's Hollywood. Really shaving your head takes about an hour.

We lined the floor with a plastic drop cloth and I got out the good clippers. I'm saying that sarcastically, because they were $9.99 from CVS and that's probably the reason this shit took a hour. By simply running my fingers through my hair, it would come out in droves. We put some music on in the bathroom and Chris set to work.

What's the biggest worry when you are going to shave your head? That your head is shaped funny under all that hair. It turns out I have nothing to worry about there - my noggin is a perfect specimen. The problem was getting to it and then getting rid of all the dandruff that apparently has been living there for quite some time.

Chris was careful and kind, paying special attention not to nick my skull or cut off an ear. We laughed at how long it took. We removed a lot of hair just by tugging on it, so we didn't think the actual cutting would be so arduous. I was warming up one of Mrs. Rannazzisi's Lasagna for dinner that night. I thought I'd for sure be bald before it was warmed through. Instead, the oven timer kept reminding me we were ready to eat. But I still had half a head of hair.

I'll admit I put make-up on before we shaved my head. I didn't think I could stand to look at my head without hair AND without lipstick.

A little spotty, a little red and if you look closely, pretty flaky. Ick! Get me some Head and Shoulders!

We finally decided enough is enough - we could smell the Lasagna drifting in from the kitchen - we had been at this about 45 minutes. We took to the razor. We bic'ed it!

It was done! It felt funny. It looked funny. I still scare myself when I walk passed a mirror. But it was done. And this is how much hair is on the floor when you remove it all from your head.

At least Barlie came by to give her approval!