There's something about feeling effective

Wearing the wig needs an attitude. Today, I have that attitude. I put it on this morning, ran my fingers through it and then winked at myself in the mirror. Every time I felt like it was a groundhog on my head, I thought of that sass. That makes all the difference.

I did a lot of sitting last week. I didn't even try to not sit. I have a list of things I can do: Continue to hang all the wonderful Get Well Cards, organize our DVD's, pair all the unpaired socks, file the bills instead of letting them pile up in one spot for 12 months. There's always plenty to do. But I just did nothing.

My first reaction to that lethargy is disgust. I would like to accomplish something. I don't feel like I've earned my spot on this planet if I can't produce something meaningful. It's like a weight on my shoulders, a guilt I can't shake. But I'm so tired. So I just sit.

In my sitting ... and my wonderful, non-stop talking with Ashley ... I came to one rationalization. Wednesdays and Thursdays are big days. The chemo is important. It's killing the cancer beautifully. But while I put a lot of importance on the actual infusions, that's just getting the poison in there. After I leave the chemo room, the drugs are still pumping through me, hunting down those nasty little cancer cells. It's that micro-biological battle that's probably making me so tired. If there's a world war going on inside your body, you should probably just lay down and let the sides duke it out. Don't give the chemo any more work to do by organizing the house paints while the drugs are trying to shrink tumors. At least that's what I came up with. So I sat.

It's been wonderful to be back at work on Monday and Tuesday. If I'm not a great journalist, at least I'm a prolific journalist. When operating at 100%, I can turn a package, two vo-sots and a live shot or two with no problem. Now, I'm thrilled to get one interview done. I'm not as speedy but I'm still as dedicated to producing something worthwhile at work. It gives me a sense of value and I like that.

You know what else gives me value?? Hysterical presents like this one ... from Jeannette. Wait till I should you the leather one!!

What better to accent your noggin' than a feather headband??