So Close ... 3.4!

Now that we've switched chemotherapies and I don't have to do two days in the hospital, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm really trying to make the most of the new schedule. Today, I was heading in for just 1 hour of chemo - can you believe that?? Just an hour. Two weeks ago I was hooked up to the Methotrexate for 24 straight hours plus two other drugs. No more. I'm on the chemo fast track now!!

I planned quite a nice afternoon for myself. Bloodwork at 12:30, lunch with my Special Guest, my wonderful neighbor Jeannette, then a brief stop at the Chemo Lounge for a quick infusion. Arriving at the lab, Cindy and the ladies remarked they had missed me yesterday, Tuesday, my normal bloodwork day. It's nice to know you're loved, especially when the lab techs notice you're missing.

For Week #2, I can get bloodwork on Wednesday just a few hours before the shorter infusion. It's called convenient and I could get used to that. Bloodwork - check. The only snag was that Cindy the tech and Jeannette, an RN, noticed when the needle spot kept bleeding. They said my blood looked "thin." Jeannette described it as "watered down kool-aid." It looked red to me, but what do journalists know?

I was obviously not concerned about blood, just concerned if we would be able to get two loaves of bread at Macaroni Grill for lunch. Priorities, people! Jeannette and I would have licked the salty, greasy goodness off the top of that loaf of bread, but that's not socially acceptable. So we ordered salads and tried to be adults.

When we finally get to the office, I don't even make it down the hallway to the Chemo Lounge before Kristin says, "Your platelets are 22. You can't stay here." Some welcome! It turns out that wasn't the only disqualifier: my red blood cells are 5.9. Let's recap: platelets should be like 90 for chemo. With this new chemo, we can go as low as 50. But 22 is just too damn low. Red blood cells should be 12. Mine were less than half. Numbers in the 5's typically require a blood transfusion. So when Kristin said I would need one, I went into Long Island mode and said, "Whaaaaat?" She then asked Dr. Evans and weaseled me out of it.

The side effect of low red cells is shortness of breath. Jeannette said it was amazing I wasn't fainting every time I stood up with counts that low. I said I did have to run after the garbage man this morning - literally run - and when I caught up to him, right at the bottom of the driveway, mind you, I was huffing and puffing as if I just ran the NYC Marathon. So, yes, I would say I'm experiencing some mild shortness of breath.

In all this confusion and throwing numbers back and forth and talking my way out of a blood transfusion and seeing all my friends in the Lounge, I forgot to ask about THE number. The hCG. Kristin casually says, "Your number is 3.4!" Jeannette and I snapped to attention then started jumping up and down like we just won the Powerball. I nearly forgot to ask what it was ... but was so pleasantly surprised by the results.

Wouldn't it be crazy if this new chemo just nips this in the bud (or butt?) once and for all? All those weeks of up and down and up and down. Let's just cut this cancer at the knees and be done with it so I can go on vacation with my husband and sip cosmos on a white sandy beach somewhere.

3.4 is soooo close to 2.0 - Let's do this!!

"33 and Nearly Cancer-Free"

Another year older, not really any wiser ... just older. It was my 33rd Birthday yesterday and sometimes birthdays wig me out. I had no emotional reaction to this one. The only way I really reflected on it was ... by this time next year I won't have cancer any more. They say it's good to have goals. "Thirty-four and on the Dance Floor" will be my mantra for next year!

Needless to say, many of you - "the village" of people who have been so supportive while I've been sick - sent great birthday wishes! I'm so thankful for the fun and the laughs. I smiled a ton over the weekend enjoying so much birthday cheer. Here's just one example. Chris' awesome Physician Assistant and our friend, Jess, sent this card:

It reads: "A cosmo doesn't blend so well with birthday cake, so the cake may have to go."
I mean, c'mon people, did they make this card just for me?!? Can't you hear my saying that in your head?? "Sooooo ... the cake may have to go."

I'm feeling good (well, for the English sticklers.) It's easy to forget that I just started brand new drugs on Wednesday. In my mind, I treat all this as one big blog of chemo. But there are differences between each drug and I'm interested to see if anything funny starts to crop up because of these. We were with several friends this weekend and I had terrible gas. There's nothing like trying to hold it in all day while you're with friends you love enough not to smoke them out of the house. So I declared after a few hours, "I have terrible gas, it's probably the chemo. I apologize in advance." Someone else said, "I too have terrible gas, it's probably from the beans I ate." I was happy to know we were all on a level playing field.

My mouth hurts. Mommy said it's as if Methotrexate is getting one last stab at making my life miserable before it is gone for good. Methotrexate was the chemo drug that caused the 2 day hospital admission and mucusitis. We've stopped using it now. Although, I've been mostly spared of bad mouth infections, my tongue and inside the sides of my cheeks are killing me right now. Plus, last night swallowing felt like forcing glass shards down my esophagus. After 12 straight hours of sleep, I woke up a happier girl. When in doubt, take a nap. Those are my parting words of wisdom as a newly minted 33 year old.  

New Chemo, New Outlook

Wow, what a difference a week makes. I was feeling pretty low last week. But I got better bloodwork on Tuesday - 8.4! And we started the new protocol on Wednesday at the office!! So much better than the hospital.

It was a pleasure to be with Kristin in the Chemo Lounge. She takes such good care of me. It was fun to see some of my chemo friends and catch up with them. It was wonderful to have Marcia with me as my Chemo Buddy and easier for her and her family that it was so much shorter and we didn't have to sleep over in that hospital again!! We were home by 2:30 in the afternoon!

I then crawled into bed and slept from 2:30 until 9 pm. Awoke briefly to eat the delicious Rigatoni A La Vodka my loving husband made (my favorite!!) then promptly went back to bed with a full belly and slept until 9 this morning. Not a bad run, huh?

I continue to receive wonderful get well cards and wishes, fun presents in the mail (like nice panties to upgrade me from Granny panties) and prayers from all over. I know this is a long haul and I'm so bored of it. Cancer was so 2012. But thank you for your continued support. I can tell you haven't forgotten about me just because this keeps dragging along and that makes me feel good.

I visited work this week too to talk to my boss. I sadly handed him a Doctors Note that says "several more months of treatment." Someone at work was saying he thought I'd be back early spring, but even that seems a little too overzealous. I'm so anxious to be a regular person again and I think going back to work will make that happen. I'm not there yet but I'm so thankful for everyone patience and understanding. If it were me, I'd be bitching about me behind my back!! hehe

So I'm taking a deep breath, trying to focus and be calm. I have a good team. I will be cancer free soon. And this new chemo is gonna do the trick. I just know it!!

Back To Basics

My friend Beth is in Belize and doesn't get a lot of internet service. She did get an e-mail through this week though. She said, I'm reading the blog but can't really tell how you're doing. She's right. While the cul-de-sacs and hat fashion shows are fun, I think I have to get back to basics for a minute. Here's the run down.

I still have cancer.
The numbers are low, but indicate persistent disease.
The last month the beta hCG #'s ran 5, 3, 5, 32.
Dr. Goldstein, the Boston specialist, says those lab results show a plateau (the 5-3-5), then a spike (32). Both indicate the current chemotherapy is not working.
We're switching protocols - meaning we're changing the chemo drugs we've been using. I am now resistant to them.
There are two ways I can tell that ... the hair on my head is growing in again. It shouldn't do that if my body was responding to the current chemo. Also, I'm having hot flashes and night sweats again. That's an indication that the hCG is increasing instead of decreasing.
We will start the new chemo protocol this Wednesday. I will no longer have to do an overnight hospital stay.
I will get chemo for two Wednesdays in a row, at the Chemo Lounge (with Kristin ;-) and then get the third week off. We will repeat that cycle until the hCG is less than two, then do two more cycles.
The new drugs are called Gemcitabine and Taxol. Each has it's own side effects but nothing worse than I've seen already.

I was very discouraged by this week's hCG of 32. Really, really frustrated. Tuesday and Wednesday were very low days for me and for my family. I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel and then it faded. The phone call from Dr. Goldstein Wednesday evening was helpful. He clearly stated a new plan. I always feel better with a plan.

Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.

Who Needs Hair??

People have been sending love, prayers ... and head coverings from all over.

Here's a Hat Fashion Show care of my mom's friends at her work at the Surgical Unit at Brunswick Hospital in North Carolina, her friends who own Patronies Pizza in Holden Beach, NC and 2 sassy additions from my girlfriend Jesse and her fun daughters.

Please note, I'm on steriods and my face is fat. I look like I've swallowed a small child. While chemo and steroids are a great excuse, but really I eat pasta and chocolate all day long. So while I look like hell - the hats help distract from my face.

Many Thanks to the donors. You've made me smile and are helping to keep my bald noggin warm. (It was a low of 15 degrees here the other day! Brrrr!)

These two are from Jesse's daughter's Charlotte and Maddie:

 

This starts the generous donations from my mom's work friends:

Molly is like, "What kind of crazy fashion show is this??"

 Cosmo-themed head covering ... love it!

 Barlie was feeling left out. She won't tolerate a hat or any sort of Halloween costumes though.

 I've been wearing this cozy pink one to bed since I received the box.

 This is another care package from my mom's friends who own the pizza parlor.

 At first, I thought this one was just a scarf. But upon further investigation, I found it was a scarf AND a hat. So warm and fuzzy. What will they think of next??

SO FUN!! THANK YOU TO ALL WHO DONATED!!! It means so much to me. xoxoxo

We're Back On, Baby

I've missed two chemo treatments for a total for three chemo-free weeks and I feel like a million bucks! We've also continued the up-down movement of hCG, but today, I'm back in the saddle. And by saddle I don't mean that mechanical bull I've always been meaning to try ... I mean the Lazy-Boy chair in the Chemo Lounge. It's been so long since I've sat with Kristin and laughed all day. I forget what her face looks like! But we will get really well re-acquainted today with 8 1/2 hours of drip drip.

My # yesterday was 5.5 - that makes the last four weeks:
10.9
5.9
3.5
5.5

Drivin' me nuts. But the fives and threes are so close to each other and so close to 2, I call it a wash. Still pushing 6 more weeks of chemo AFTER the magical less than two. So when co-workers say, "When are you coming back to work?" meaning, "How quickly can you get your ass back in the newsroom so I don't have to pick up your slack??" I say honestly, "It's gonna be a little while still."

No, really, my WGALers have been awesome. I've seen a few News 8 friends over the passed few weeks and everyone is so kind and really have gone above and beyond as far as filling in for the sick bitch. I'm so thankful to have such support. I want to be back as much as they want me back. My desk with Susan Shapiro needs two people. There's plenty of room for two people! ;-)

My ride/special guest/cancer buddy/mother-in-law is here to drive me to the Lounge. Gotta go. We're gonna keep on keeping on.

Cheers!

The Cul-de-Sac

This is perhaps the funniest story ever.

Warning though: remember how a couple of posts back, I mentioned that everything I post is true? That I'm sharing all of this so you get a sense of what cancer is really like. Well, that might not totally be the case here. I might be making some shit up and embellishing a little bit. Full disclosure. This is second hand, but still really good.

Ok. So post-hysterectomy I had some questions. I didn't have a full hysterectomy, Dr. Evans left my ovaries. Otherwise I'd be in full menopause right now and I'd be crying every day from hormones, instead of crying just every other day from good old fashion depression. So ovaries are a plus. But I was confused as to what happened inside. My vagina is fine. ... but without a uterus, it just doesn't lead anywhere. It's a dead end.

My best friend Jackie and I are discussing this development as only best girlfriends can. We cut through the "being proper" parts of the conversation and get right to the nitty gritty. It just ends. The doctor just sewed it up at the end and that was that. You can imagine some of the things the two of us discussed. I won't elaborate here. But we considered it all.

However, the converstation about my vagina didn't stop there. That night in the Duddleston household, Jackie made her loving husband a nice dinner and she and Ben sat down at the table and talked about each other days. (See this is the shit I'm making up. It's color commentary though. Makes the story better. You can envision them at the table, right?) During the conversation over homemade ravioli (maybe), Jackie mentioned her conversation with me.

Picture this: now my renovated vagina is the topic of conversation over dinner between two people who are not me. Jackie explains the conundrum of the dead end. Ben sits and listens, considers the anatomy and then finally comments. "Look, we should really just call it a 'Cul-de-sac.' No one refers to things as a 'dead end' anymore. That makes it sound dirty. A Cul-de-sac is a desired location in real estate. You come in, turn around and head back out. What could be better? Everyone wants a cul-de-sac. Location, location, location."

Jackie just starts laughing. They've been looking at houses and Ben's right. They'd love a Cul-de-sac. Ben said, "See, now Chris has one all to himself." Men. Hysterical. Other people's dinner conversation. Now we call it the Cul-de-sac. Thank you Ben. You and your wife never cease to make me smile. Can't have cancer without a sense of humor.