Hi. Wow. What a week. I will go back in the next few days and chronicle the last few days because they simply need to be documented properly. But for now, I've turned the corner. Thank goodness. Several days ago I could not actually get out of the bed. It scared me. It felt really bad. But I am much better. I would say I'm at 45% - which I think is pretty low. Yet, at one point, I think I hit an all time low of 15%. That's bad. So I'm loving 45. And still trying to envision 100%. I can't remember when taking a shower was something you just did before going to work. Not an event that may or may not take so much energy you have to take a two hour nap naked, wrapped only in a towel because you didn't have it in you to even put your underware on before you crawled back into bed. (Warning to those who just walk in my house!!)
My husband is an angel. How did I get so lucky to get him? He said to me the other day, he thinks everything in his life has oddly added up, somehow come together and prepared him for this moment, this time, this job to care for me. I think he's right. I am so weepy now and I cry just thinking of my absolute luck and blessing to have Chris. He's my booba. He's my other half. We're Team Cooke and he's the captain. I like to think of myself as the big breasted, perky, ditsy cheerleader. He is clearly hot, quarterback of the football team, science club champion and class president part of the team. He's a catch and I know it and I'm just such mush in his arms. It's really the only place I want to be. It's warm and safe there. He came home the other day in the middle of the storm and said, "I took the next two weeks off. I need to be here." I was shocked and instantly thrilled. I never felt so loved.
I haven't fainted lately. I am again in control of when I go to the bathroom. I didn't walk for several days and used my sister-in-law Hilary's wheelchair for a couple days. She's a trooper and only uses it when there's a day of too much walking. She graciously let me borrow it because there were days of just no walking. Bald, wrapped up like a Babushka (?) and sitting in a wheelchair is not a good look. Makes you look like your sick. I hate looking like a sick person. I def looked like a sick person.
My favorite part of the wheelchair use though was Mimi. She's Kristin's right hand woman at Dr. Evans office. And Mimi calls 'em like she see 'em. I love her personality. We are buddies and because she's Mimi and I'm Mimi to Hailey and William, we are naturally friends. But I did go to the office in the wheelchair the other day. To be clear, it was necessary. I could.not.walk. But I know full well, this look is dramatic and over the top.
So, Marcia wheels me into the office. Mimi and Kristin are down the long hallway to the Chemo Lounge. Mimi can see me and says from there, "Oh for God's sake!" meaning, "Look at this bitch, she's in a wheelchair?!? Is that really necessary?" I laughed as Marsh pushed me all the way down the hallway. When I got to Mimi I said, "I know, right? Drama Queen. I need MORE attention!" It's good to laugh, even when you're bald and in a wheelchair.
I go for my blood work again tomorrow. The last number was 5.6. I would really, really LOVE for it to be less than 2 - meaning cancer-free. Still have 6 more chemos after that, but it's one step closer, right? If the other numbers are good, I will go back to Week #1 chemo which means hospital on Wed/Thurs. Before I try to control everything and put a whole plan in place, let's just see what the bloodwork says. But I'm feeling good about it.
Katie was a dream of a caregiver. I miss her terribly already. More about our time together another time. But another of the "high school girls"- Jesse - lovingly arrives Wednesday. She's a chemo nurse at St. Jude Medical Center in Memphis. Like, hello? How awesome is that? She's good peeps and cancer smart. I can't wait.
Goodnight and thank you for the prayers that just helped me get through this bump. Would still be trapped in bed without them. xoxo
