The Plan

Chris and I flew to Boston Tuesday night and then back home Wednesday.

Our flight was our Valentine's Day Date.

I was a nervous wreck about seeing the doctor. But we've been trying to distract ourselves. Honestly, though, I was anxious to get to the doctor's office, hear what he had to say and make a plan.

Dr. Goldstein in a kind looking man. White hair, he wore a pink shirt (I still can't get Chris in a pink shirt), and a bow tie. He graduated from medical school in 1965. You do the math. And yet, he is sharp and smart and quick.
Click to see his profile

We tried to get him as much information as possible ahead of time. Chris wrote a clear one-page summary of my medical history. It read like Greek to me, but I know it is helpful to have a husband who speaks Greek.

Dr. Goldstein believes this is not another pregnancy gone awry, but a recurrence of the first disease. He says the molar pregnancy from 2008 lodged itself in the wall of my uterus and created a tumor of scar tissue. He believes this is still the source of the cancer. It's creating cancer cells that are moving and lodging in my lungs.
Read The Wikipedia Article on Trophoblastic Disease

This is the treatment plan: "aggressive" chemotherapy for several months. In 2009, I was given a single agent chemo (1 drug) intramuscular (shot in the ass). For recurring cancer, he suggests 5 agent chemotherapy. We start Tuesday, February 21st.

I will have a medi-port implanted under my skin on Monday, 2/20. I didn't know that required a surgery and anesthesia, but it does. We will do all our treatment here in Lancaster at Dr. Evans office. She runs Cancer Care for Women and can administer chemo in her office. I will get more info as the days go on, but there's a chance I have to sit for an 11 hour chemo infusion on Tuesdays. Can you imagine, 11 hours?!? I'll go mad. On the upside, I have 47 books on my bedside stand that I have the intention of reading someday. I could start in on those.

Dr. Goldstein says he doesn't expect me to be as sick as I was in 2009. Apparently there are antidotes to some of the chemo (sounds so superhero-ish) that keep the side effects at bay. He says I will likely be nauseous, feel fatigued and I'll lose my hair. Ugh. I'm gonna be bald.

Cancer ... Again? Really?

So now that we know it's cancer, I:

Have my third D&E, where the doctor tries to scrape out the cancer in my uterus.
It shows there's nothing in my uterus.
No cancer, no pregnancy material. This is odd.
They order a full body CAT Scan: brain, chest, abdomen, pelvis.
There's cancer in my lungs, a "blush" on my brain.
MRI of the head.
Chris calls with the results to say thankfully, "There's nothing there. No cancer, but no brain material either."
Haha, everyone is a cancer comedian!
With cancer in my lungs, this is again Stage 3 Metastatic Cancer. Lucky me.
Our cancer doc, Dr. Jackie Evans, who worked with us last time, said we have to get out of town - find a specialist. She says there are two Trophoblastic Disease Centers: one in Chicago, one in Boston.
We opt for Boston and Dr. Donald Goldstein. He founded the Trophoblastic Disease Center. He's "the guy."
We're scheduled for February 15th in Boston.
Now the wait is excruciating.

 Showed up at day surgery to two Get Well Cards from Bob Walther, one of my friends from work. They included a sticker to help keep the gown closed. It came in handy.

"If you can read this ... you are dangerously too close!"

Here's What Happened ....

I feel like I've said this story 3 dozen times already. So if you've heard it, skip this and go back to Facebook. If this is new ... this is what happened.

I had cancer in November 2008.
Was cancer free by May 2009.
Monitored my blood level for two years. Zeros.

Fast forward:
Jan 2012 - I was going to take a medication you shouldn't take if you are pregnant.
My doctor didn't mention this, but MY doctor (Chris) did and suggested I take a pregnancy test just in case. I was a little annoyed, telling Chris I hate taking pregnancy tests to make sure I'm NOT pregnant. I would rather take a pregnancy test when I think I AM pregnant. Then it would be exciting.

Groundhog Day:
I had to work the early morning shift on Groundhog Day to hang out with the crazy, old drunk men at the Slumbering Groundhog Lodge of Quarryville. I woke up at 2 am and peed on the stick. It kinda looked positive. Definitely not negative, but not necessarily positive. I woke Chris up. He was bleary eyed and put his glasses on. He squinted as he held the test up and smiled.

Not exactly sure what it meant, I said had one more prenancy test. I bought a two pack. They come in three packs, but I opted for the two pack thinking this was a waste of time and money anyway. Also, I bought the generic supermarket brand. I didn't opt for Clear Blue Easy. At this time, I think this is neither clear, nor blue, nor easy. I peed on the second one and it was odd colored as well.

I went to work, got off at noon that day and had a blood draw to see if I was actually pregnant. By three o'clock, Chris and I were both home and the results were posted online: Pregnant. Five weeks pregnant by the amount of Beta HCG hormone that registered in my blood. We were shocked and excited. Chris' birthday was the next day and I remember him saying, "We're having a baby. That's the best birthday present ever!" Ahhh.

We called the OBGYN Oncologist just to see if there was anything special we should do, given my previous history. She suggested an ultrasound to make sure everything was good. The first appointment they had was at 10pm. Who schedules ultrasounds at 10pm?!? Lancaster General does. So I set my alarm, took a nap, woke up at 9:30pm and went for the ultrasound.

We waited for the results. The tech brought over a phone, it was the OBGYN office. She said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you this Meredith, but this is happening again. This isn't a pregnancy." I was listening to her speak and looked at Chris and shook my head. No baby.

Arnold

When Arnold Schwarzenegger was at the height of his acting career (before he was Governor and then father to his maid's child) he was quoted in Kindergarten Cop saying, "It's not a tumor."
"It's not a toomah!"
It's a phrase we repeat in jest whenever someone makes a big deal out of a bump. Arnold also said, "I'll be back!"
"I'll be back!"

On both counts, Arnold is right. I have cancer; it's not a tumor but it's back.