"Pucker Up, Buttercup!"

I've known for a full day. I think I just feel a little nervous to put it in writing. 

I THINK I'M CANCER-FREE!!

Can you believe it?!!??! I mean, can you even fricken believe it????? I can't. But here's what I do know for sure.

I had surgery last Tuesday. There are so many funny surgery stories that I will save those laughs for later. The Sloan Kettering doctor called and asked me to get my blood drawn on Tuesday. My dear friend, Jeannette agreed to take me to the lab because I can't drive yet and then we would go to lunch. After I fill five tubes of blood we call Kristin at the cancer office. I told her I got my blood drawn and that it would be about a hour before we got the results. I asked her to call us when she got the numbers. 

Kristin asked how I was feeling post-surgery and wanted to know what we should expect with the numbers. I had thought about this too. The last beta hCG was 49.1 on Monday, April 29th, right before the surgery. I explained to Kristin that no one told me what to expect. Maybe it would drop a little bit, maybe in half to 25, a beta hCG of 10 or even 5 would be amazing! But I told Kristin if she called back and said my hCG was less than 2, I would kiss her ... on the lips! She laughed and said her husband John would certainly pay to see that.

With the important stuff out of the way, Jeannette and I got in the car and talked about how to occupy the hour before the big reveal. I suggested lunch at a cute spot on Orange Street that Mary Beth Filling had taken me too. She suggested the James Street Cafe. Then, while moving her car from reverse back to park, she said, "Wait, do either of those places serve wine?" No. They didn't. Good call on Jeannette's part. Before we pulled out of the parking spot, we came up with a solution. Why stop at wine? We were just blocks away from El Serrano. Margaritas!! 

For a moment (and a brief moment it was) I thought, I'm on Percocet. I can't drink. But reeeeaaaallllly, I'm sure you can. I thought I would try mixing prescription drugs and booze while were were sipping Margaritas and chowing down on quesadillas. 

Wepull the door at El Serrano and it was locked. We couldn't imagine that it was closed!! Then the 5 foot 3 Jeannette stands on her tippy toes and pushes her face against the glass of the door and can see people walking toward us. We think they are staff people here to let us in. It turns out, they were people leaving lunch. So we scammed our way into the Peruvian compound and find a server. We ask if they're still serving lunch. He says they stopped serving at 2pm. I asked him, "What time is it now?" He says 2:02. Jeannette and I put on our best puppy dog eyes and say, "Pleeeeaaaassseeee!" I even showed him the bandaid on the crook of my arm and explain I just got blood work after chest surgery and that I had cancer and we just want margaritas. We laid it on pretty thick. Before we knew it, he was bringing us menus.

We order and start licking the salt around our margaritas. (Note: prescription narcotics and tequilla go great together!) I put my phone on the table. Fourty-five minutes and two margaritas later, Kristin calls my phone. She says, "Pucker up, Buttercup!" In that moment, I knew. I knew it was less than zero. I knew I didn't have cancer anymore.

Jeannette is hugging me and crying. I'm still on the phone with Kristin thanking her over and over again. She said she was so nervous to look at the number but that it was a mere 1.2 and she was so happy to be the one to deliver the good news. Kristin could hear Jeannette and I were making a racket already, so she told us to have another margarita to celebrate.

I hung up the phone, put my hands over my face and just started to sob. Just sob, like shoulder-shaking sobbing. Jeannette was just holding me and crying too. We said a Thank you prayer to God and she just held me and rocked me back and forth. I will remember that moment forever. Forever. 

i've been so blessed by so many wonderful friends during this whole ordeal, but it was more than just a lucky fluke that Jeannette could drive me to my bloodwork. I think God picked her to be with me. And I am so thankful for that. 

So we cried and cried. Jeannette said, "Fuck yeah, you're done with cancer!" I smiled at her unabashed vulgarity - very un-Jeannette, but very Meredith! My mouth was rubbing off on her and she thought this would be a great time to use the f-bomb! I couldn't agree more. And I promised her I wouldn't blog that, but it's part of the story. So sorry, Jeannette. You're the mother-fucking best!!

Jeannette encouraged me to call Chris immediately and I did. She texted her husband to share our news too. Chris can't always answer the phone when he is at work. It was like 3:00 now and Chris would be in the middle of seeing patients. It would have been a little anti-climatic to get his voicemail. But my handsome husband, who has always been there for me, picked up. I could barely get the words out. My words were probably like one of those Far Side cartoons about what dogs hear: Blah Blah Blah Molly Blah Blah Blah Treat Blah Blah. The first sentence I eeked out in between sobs was more like Blah Blab Blah 1.2 Blah Blah Cancer-free. Either way, Chris got the message loud and clear. He understood that this trial is probably over. He was laughing and congratulating me and telling me again and again that he loved me. I love him.

So what do you do next?? You order more margaritas!! By now, I've made such a scene in this restaurant we had to talk our way into, the server knows I just found out I'm cancer-free. He buys our third round. This is when we decided we can't drive home ... drunk at 3:30 in the afternoon ... and call a cab. Right after that call we get our fourth margaritas. Katie said it reminds her of the phrase: "One margarita, two margaritas, three margaritas, floor!"

We eventually pour our margaritas into To-Go cups and then pour ourselves into the cab. This big, black cab driver looked a little ticked he was waiting outside the restaurant so long. We got in and explained our midday drunkenness. He smiled, mellowed and gave me a high-five for being cancer free. I rubbed his head and said, soon I'll have a rocking hair cut like you! I think we won him over too!

By four, I was home, making phone calls to my immediate family. Next, I need to nap my margaritas away. And at 6:30, Chris came home. I've never been so happy to see him. He just held me and held me and held me. Hugging me, kissing me, saying he was so happy. I am so happy. We are so happy. We haven't actually spoken to a doctor yet, we're just going by the hCG. But it hasn't been <2.0 in a year and a half. I think we're done. 

I will keep you posted on the official-ness of being Cancer-Free.

All that's left to be said now is Thank You. It doesn't seem that two simple words could be enough to convey my gratefulness. But please know, I'm so thankful, for all of you. 

xoxo 

FUCK YEAH!!!!!