I'm Going To Stop Writing Notes To Myself



 

I have two parents; one's a saver, one's a thrower-awayer. Dad has a series of boxes hidden somewhere that he calls "The Archives." I'm sure it has my Kindergarten report card, a crayon drawing from 5th grade and the program from my college graduation. That kind of stuff, times 60 years of collecting. If Mommy came across something like that, she's say this is clutter and what are we going to save it for. That's why her house is immaculate. I trend toward saving and that's why my house is a mess.

 

I don't think there is a right or wrong, but this "saving" or "remembering" thing that I have bit me in the ass while I was decorating for Christmas. I don't know if it's the journalist in me, but writing stuff down to "save" it for later has always been big. I kept a journal in high school - it is now the most hysterical thing to read. My spelling was just as bad as it is now and my handwriting was worse. Also, I write myself a Leap Day Letter every four years. I have four of them so far. I tell my 4 year future self what's going on now and I ask her questions about what it's like when I read it the future. I project where I think I'm going to be in four years. In 2004's Leap Letter, Chris and I just started dating. In 2008's letter, we were planning our wedding. I like to see how things change and what you thought it would be like.

 

While opening up one of my 36 Rubbermaid containers full of decorations, I found a note I wrote myself last year. I must have been in a good mood when I was cleaning up from Christmas, because I gave the 2012 Meredith some information to make decorating easier this year. Namely, (see below) that "several strands of light on the garland don't work." In other words, I was too lazy to fix it at the end of the 2011 season, but be forewarned for the 2012 season. Because I knew I would be reading this little note to myself 12 months later, I added "are you pregnant?" as a note to myself. Last year at this time, it was totally plausible that I might be pregnant right now. If only the 2011 Meredith knew what was coming. I opened the container this year, took out the garland, found the note at the bottom and sat down and cried. No, I'm not pregnant. No, I'm never gonna be pregnant. Yes, I think I might stop writing myself notes. Who could have known? It stung a little bit.